


Nuts and Bolts

by thefishismine



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 13:02:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11185662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefishismine/pseuds/thefishismine
Summary: I started writing this late at night. The idea wouldn't leave me alone. Kryten walks in on Lister and Rimmer. Lister has to sit him down and explain things to him.





	1. Chapter 1

Lister groaned as a talented tongue swirled around the head of his cock. He wove his fingers in Rimmer’s hair and tugged gently, earning a muffled moan from the other man. Rimmer felt the erection in his mouth twitch and he began sucking in earnest, determined to bring his partner off quickly. 

“Ah…smeg! I’m getting close…” Lister growled through gritted teeth. He gently thrust his hips into Rimmer’s mouth. They were both so wrapped up in what they were doing that they didn’t notice the clunking of metal on metal accompanied by a cheerful whistle. 

“Mr. Lister, sir, are you awake?”

“Ohhh…god, Rimmer, fuck!” Lister bit down on his fist to keep from shouting as his orgasm hit. He writhed on the bunk, his hips arching up into Rimmer’s fist as he stroked him through his high. Lister sighed heavily and slumped down on the mattress, completely exhausted. When he opened his eyes a second later he nearly jumped a mile. Kryten was staring at them with a wide-eyed expression of shock. Rimmer looked as though he was trying to hide inside his own body. Lister heard him let out a pathetic groan as he hid his face under the duvet. 

“Mr…Mr. Lister, s-sir, I…I’m…” Kryten stammered, and for a moment Lister thought he had caused the mechanoid to malfunction. 

“I’m sorry!” Kryten squeaked before running out the door. 

Lister waited for the sound of footsteps to disappear before smacking his palm against his forehead.

“Smeg!”

Rimmer cautiously looked up at Lister, his face still resembling the color of a lobster. “This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Lister looked at him incredulously. “I doubt that. I’ve heard stories of your childhood.”

“How can you be so calm at a time like this? He just walked in on me…fellating you! This is a nightmare!” 

Lister wanted to laugh at how distressed Rimmer was but nothing like this had ever happened to him. Lister had been caught having sex a few times in his life. This was, however, the first time he was caught by someone who wasn’t human. He gave Rimmer a reassuring touch on the arm. 

“I’ll talk to him, okay? It’ll be fine.”

A look of panic spread over Rimmer’s face. “But now he knows! Lister, what if he tells the Cat?! We’ll never hear the end of it! Oh god, we’ll never shag again!”

Lister did crack a smile this time, earning a scowl from Rimmer. 

“Don’t worry about it, Rimmer. I’ll go talk to him right now. The sooner we address it, the less awkward it’ll be.” Lister got out of bed and gathered his clothes from the floor to get dressed. 

“And just how, pray tell, do you plan to go about that? Are you seriously going to give a cleaning droid a talk on the birds and the bees? Though I suppose in his case it’s the nuts and the bolts...” 

“Don’t be stupid, he knows what we were doing. I’ll just calm him down and explain to him what’s going on with us.” 

“Tell him that if he so much as utters a word of it to the Cat I will chop off his head and use it as a hazardous waste receptacle.”

Lister pulled on his t-shirt and gave Rimmer a quick kiss. “Will do. And thanks.” Lister winked and flashed him a cheeky smile before heading out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

After what felt like hours, Lister finally found Kryten in the laundry room. He was furiously scrubbing what looked to be a perfectly clean towel. Lister cleared his throat to alert the mechanoid of his presence. 

“Kryten?” 

Kryten sheepishly glanced over his shoulder before returning to the task at hand. 

“Can we talk?” 

“About how Mr. Rimmer was doing indecent things to your genetalia? I’m well aware of that, sir.”

Lister wrinkled his nose at the description. “I know you’re probably embarrassed, maybe a little angry…”

Kryten spun around to look at him. “How long have you and Mr. Rimmer been…oh I can’t even say it!”

“A while. It’s been…it’s been going on for a while.”

“And why haven’t you told me?” 

Lister was a little taken aback. “Because I was worried you would freak out like you are now.”

“I am not freaking out, sir. Would you like to see me freak out, sir? Because I can freak out, sir!” Kryten yelled.

“Listen, let’s just talk, okay? So you saw us. It was just as embarrassing for us as it was for you.”

“Why him? Why not a nice girl? I thought you enjoyed women, sir,” whined Kryten.

Lister sighed and sat down on a chair in front of the washing machine. “It’s complicated, Kryten. Attraction is complicated. I normally go for women, yeah, but Rimmer just does something for me.”

Kryten sat down next to him. “I thought you and Mr. Rimmer didn’t get on.”

“We didn’t, and we still don’t. It’s difficult to explain. Love isn’t something that can be understood. It’s crazy and it makes no sense but you can’t choose who you love or who you’re attracted to. And something about Rimmer just draws me in.”

They sat in quiet contemplation for a moment.

“What Mr. Rimmer was doing…I’ve never seen it before. I’m familiar with traditional human mating practices but that seemed…unorthodox, if you don’t mind me saying so.”

An intense blush came over his face and Lister struggled to keep his composure. 

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you, sir”

Lister cleared his throat once more. “Erm…it’s another way to show someone you love them.”

“Why would someone have sex if they don’t want to reproduce?”

“Well, two guys can’t reproduce, Kryten. So we do it because it’s nice. It…it feels nice. Better than nice, even. Better than anything.” 

“Well you did look like you were enjoying yourself, sir.”

Lister blushed again, his gaze locked on the floor. “But with Mr. Rimmer…and the mess...” Kryten stood up suddenly. “Which reminds me, I should go clean that up!” 

The thought of Kryten washing Lister’s cum-stained duvet was more than he could take. He jumped up from his seat in a panic. "No, Kryten, I can do it. In fact, I want to do it.”

Kryten shot him a confused glance. “Are you sure, sir? You once said you’d rather have your nipples bitten off by hungry piranhas than do your own laundry.”

“Yes! In fact, it would make me really happy if you let me do it.”

A wide smile spread across Kryten’s face. “In that case you go right ahead and do it. Whatever makes you happy.”

Lister breathed a sigh of relief. That’s a small crisis averted. 

“So we okay, Krytes? Rimmer and I are together and we have sex sometimes. No big deal, right?” 

“ I think I can live with it, sir. As long as you’re happy.”

Lister smiled. “Yeah. Yeah, I am happy. Thanks for being so cool, man.” He gave Kryten a friendly pat on the shoulder. “Oh yeah, and Rimmer has promised to bash your head in if you mention any of this to Cat.”

“Of course, sir. My lips are locked and I am throwing away the key.”


End file.
